A progressive answer to the Tea Party

Bill Maher recently had some fun (video) in a monologue about how progressives should respond to the Tea Party’s continued influence over policy.

The only way to pull the debate back from the far right is for liberals to elect their own slate of 60 unstable, loony-tune, mad-as-a-hatter, crazy motherfuckers. So please, liberals, start trolling Whole Foods parking lots, nude beaches, erotic cake stores, the MSNBC commissary, anywhere where you might find angry left-wing lunatics to create a party within a party, as the Tea Party is a party within the Republicans. [more]

I’ve taken the liberty of putting forth some modest reform proposals that fit nicely with Maher’s call to action. Feel free to add to it or submit something and I’ll post.

Social issues

  • Obviously, Citizens United v. FEC is immediately reversed. Further, all corporations that conservative members of the Supreme Court have direct investments in are immediately taxed a sum of $500,000, just because.
  • A Super Congress will be established to figure out new ways to spend an undetermined but “stupendously massive” amount of money on the Department of Education and the Environmental Protection Agency. This Super Congress will be a group of one. And that sole member will be Bernie Sanders (I-VT).
  • A special prosecutor will be appointed to charge President Bush, Vice President Cheney, and conspiring members of their administration with war crimes and treason. The prosecution will take place in a military tribunal so that the defendants will not enjoy their full set of rights.
  • To enact a death penalty, all state governors must physically flick the switch of the electric chair in front of constituents and newspaper photographers. This new law will be formally known as the Rick Perry Killed Cameron Todd Willingham Act.
  • All wars will require unanimous — yes, unanimous — approval from Congress.
  • Efforts to organize economically depressed communities will be 50 percent subsidized, as will food co-ops. Every community will have a taxpayer-funded homeless shelter, food bank, and battered women’s shelter. All food retailers will accept food stamps.
  • Universal healthcare. You know, like South Africa.
  • Unfortunately, guns will continue to be legal. However, anyone who sells a gun that is used in a crime will become a party in that crime. Thus, gun dealers will need to take the personal responsibility of ensuring they are not selling guns to would-be criminals.
  • The state will either recognize all marriages or no marriages. No more of this heterosexuals-only bullshit.

Fiscal issues

  • The top marginal income tax rate will return to the level of 1950: more than 90 percent. Middle-class and poor Americans who reside in the lower tax brackets, however, will keep their current rates.
  • There will be no tax rates for capital gains. All income derived from investments will be treated though it were payroll.
  • All employees and agents of financial institutions who earn more than $150,000 will be criminally liable if that institution engages in robo-signing or any other form of fraud.
  • Not only may mortgage interest be deducted from tax liability, but so may mortgage principal. But only for the first home one owns, and only if that home (via solar panels and other alt-energy technology) produces as much energy as it consumes.
  • Military spending will be capped at 1995 levels, and any further increase in military spending will be offset by an equal amount of tax increases on military contractors.
  • Banks will revert to their proper role as entities that facilitate commerce. No more trading with their own money (“proprietary trading”).
  • There will be a private bank set up to fund energy-efficient infrastructure and technology. The state will compel private oil and coal companies to keep the bank, which shall be run by environmentalists and chaired by Ralph Nader, adequately capitalized.
  • The maximum rate of return a lender can charge on a line of credit will be 12 percent annually. This includes you, payday lenders.

Media issues

  • In addition to print, broadcast, radio, and online, a new category of media — propaganda — will be introduced. Allegations of libel and slander will be easier to prove against these media enterprises. Also, viewers, as a class, will be able to sue propaganda media and only propaganda media for being intentionally misinformed.
  • Those employed by media organizations that choose to do business as a 501c(3) nonprofit will pay no income tax of any kind. Lobbyists and public relations representatives shall be precluded from bothering these reporters or trying to influence what they write.

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  1. everfallinlove reblogged this from pantslessprogressive
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  3. reagan-was-a-horrible-president reblogged this from truth-has-a-liberal-bias
  4. truth-has-a-liberal-bias reblogged this from foulmouthedliberty and added:
    Actually, there is already a good organization in place for this. And more people need to know about it. REBUILD THE...
  5. silas216 reblogged this from andrewgraham
  6. jinxasaurus reblogged this from pantslessprogressive
  7. 8bitian reblogged this from pantslessprogressive
  8. lafrondeuse reblogged this from andrewgraham
  9. jetstream-tormod reblogged this from thesecularsoup and added:
    This all makes my blue liberal heart so happy.
  10. foulmouthedliberty reblogged this from pantslessprogressive and added:
    Oh, I am so on board with this idea!
  11. themaryd reblogged this from pantslessprogressive
  12. descantforhope reblogged this from andrewgraham and added:
    oh please, dear lord, yes. Please, I want a liberal party just as crazy as the tea partiers, if only so I can post links...
  13. dandenicola reblogged this from andrewgraham

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